he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
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he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
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Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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