My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
