He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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