I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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