dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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