The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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