I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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