good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
