He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I need a burrito and a hug.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
