If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
