haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
