Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
