You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
