It was confusing and full of hummus
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
