dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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