Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
