I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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