reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
