I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
