I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
