So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable