Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
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My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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