Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
