Having a random hookup so left but love u
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
