I hope mine doesn't look like that
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
