Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize