I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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