enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
