Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
