Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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