Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
