Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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