afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
