the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
