dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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