We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
