the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
