I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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