R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
