My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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