we're blogging at a bar
did you get engaged???
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
