btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
