you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
