She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
