you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
not ubering you a puppy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
