I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn