idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
