He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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