he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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