the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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