I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
