Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
