Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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