That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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