how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
