Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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