don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
