I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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