Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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