This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
