i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
