well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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