I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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